Saturday, November 18, 2017

OUR FERTILITY STRUGGLE

In December, we will have a little baby girl to kiss and love and cherish. My husband and I have waited so long to be parents. Over 8 years of waiting to be exact. We got married in 2009 and immediately wanted to start a family. Unfortunately, due to some health concerns and a medication I had to be on temporarily we were unable to try for about a year. Once I was able to cease taking that medication, we immediately began trying for a baby.

I remember having baby fever so bad! One weekend, I was just sure I was pregnant that I ended up talking my husband into letting me buy a baby swing, bouncer, bassinet, and oh so many clothes. Granted, they were all garage sale buys, but still. I didn't even know if I was pregnant, didn't know the sex, didn't have a clue that it would be 7 years until I would actually get pregnant. I've gone through the baby fever multiple times throughout the years. I used to buy baby clothes on the clearance rack all the time. I think at one time, I had 2 plastic tubs full of baby clothes. When I think back on it, I feel so ridiculous for buying so much stuff that I can't use. When we found out we were pregnant, I had 1 plastic tub of clothes. After going through them and given our due date, I think I was able to keep maybe 1/4 of the stuff I bought. A lot of it I kept because it will be the right season, but i don't even like it anymore.

Anyway, we tried and tried and we gave up and gave up and nothing. We did some initial testing on both of us, and nothing came back saying we couldn't get pregnant. We both decided fertility treatments or in vitro were not a route we wanted to take. After so many years though, we decided that we would go the adoption route. We took the classes and were preparing to foster a child, when my niece became pregnant. Her and her husband were going through some trials and they decided that they couldn't keep this child. They asked us if we would adopt the child. We of course jumped at the chance. This was honestly the best case scenario for us. Newborn adoption is outrageously expensive. Something we would never be able to afford at this time in our lives. Unfortunately, after two months my niece lost the child. She was devastated for us, we were devastated and we all had to grieve.

We were back to square one and with the loss of the child, my husband and I decided that fostering might not be the right road for us. Losing a baby I never knew was excruciating, I couldn't imagine what losing a child I had cared for would do to me. We were lost, we didn't know what to do.

About a month later, we didn't have to wonder what to do any longer. After traveling to Chicago for my brother-in-law's graduation, I realized I was late. Not anything surprising or anything that was strange. I have never been the most regular. However, I did think about our trip to Chicago. I was very lethargic during the trip and took multiple naps. Something that is definitely out of the ordinary for me. So a couple days later I decided to take a pregnancy test. I had one left and thought what the heck. I take the test, I start to get ready for the day and I look down. There are two lines. Two lines. I grab the box and check to see what two lines meant. I knew what it meant, but didn't believe my eyes.  I sat there and looked at those two lines for 5 minutes. Thinking could this possibly be true? How am I going to tell my husband. Should I wait, take a second test to be sure? Ultimately, I decided there was no way I could wait.

My husband was still sleeping, I went into our room and shook him awake. I said "are you awake", he says, "yes". I said, "no are you really awake? Put your glasses on so I know you can see." He follows my instructions and looks a little concerned. I said, "I have something important to tell you." I pull the pregnancy test with two lines from behind my back. He says, "are you serious?" and I said, "yes." He sits up and I jump into his arms and we just cry. Tears of pure joy. After the tears, came the questions. Should I take another test? How soon could I get in to the doctor? Can this actually be happening? We made the decision that he would go buy more tests and if those were positive, then I would get in to see my doctor. After two more positive tests, I made an appointment that day with my doctor. After taking the test at the doctor, she didn't come back to the room for about 30 minutes. Those 30 minutes were the longest of my life. The thoughts running through my head were crazy. I was convinced she was trying to come up with the best way to tell me I wasn't pregnant. That she just couldn't bring herself to come in and give me the bad news. Turns out the lab didn't know there was a stat order on my test and they hadn't performed the testing. I was indeed 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

After calling my husband and confirming the good news, I wanted to shout it to the world! The day we found out we were pregnant was the Thursday before Mother's Day. I have always dreamed of getting to tell my Mom on Mother's Day that I was pregnant. I couldn't believe our luck. My husband and I brainstormed ideas on how to tell our parents and we decided upon a Mother's Day scavenger hunt. The three day wait to tell them was excruciating. We almost broke down and told them multiple times. The day finally came. My first Mother's day. We presented our Moms with the first scavenger hunt clue. At the end of the hunt, they were presented with gift of baby bottles, baby wipes, pacifiers, and onesies that said Grandma Magnet on them. They were a bit confused until the onesies came out. Then ugly tears of joy ensued and we all cried and hugged and started dreaming of Baby L.

That's enough for now, more will come soon!

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